Matrimony can be such an emotive issue. Legal battles and laws are formed around the central issue of 'what is marriage?' Marriage licences can be approved or withheld, depending upon whether the clerk believes that the wedding ceremony is valid in this instance. Venues can be very picky about the nature or religion of those seeking to get married there. Yet despite these headline grabbing debates, young Wiccan or Witch couples, planning their handfasting, are still constantly surprised when the same issues arise amongst their prospective guests.
As an Alexandrian High Priestess, I have officiated at several handfastings. Over the years, I have learned, by trial and error, some tips to help your non-Pagan guests feel welcomed, reassured and included. Feedback has taught me that even the most nervous 'Muggle' has ended up thoroughly enjoying their attendance at a witches' wedding.
Including Muggles: Using the Wedding Invitations to Explain Handfastings.
Often the first time members of an extended family know that the bride or groom is a Pagan is when the handfasting invitation arrives. Your Mum and Dad would have found out with the first purchase of a pentagram pendant; but when did someone take the time to sit down with, say, great aunt Betty and talk her through the fact that there's a witch in the family?
It cannot be assumed that the majority of people, even in quite liberated societies, understand the intricacies of witchcraft. These could well be individuals raised, however nominally, within the fold of a religion opposed to all things Pagan. Their only information about the 'reality' of Paganism might have come from lurid tabloid newspaper stories. Is it any wonder that they panic, refuse or kick up a fuss, when they believe they've just been invited to such a ceremony? They think that naked dancing, the defilement of virgins and the sacrifice of small children will feature in between the vows.
One way to combat misconceptions at the outset is to include a list of Frequently Asked Questions and Answers. Insert this into the envelope with the invitation or even print them on the back of all of the invitations. Include contact details for the couple and/or the High Priest and Priestess, so that any further queries can be answered before the actual ceremony. For those who will be very anxious, then a personal visit is preferable.
Non-Pagans who know what to expect can become quite excited by the prospect of participating in something a little different.
Including Muggles: Giving Tasks to Those Outside the Circle.
The beauty of a Pagan handfasting is that it takes place within a circle. This means that everyone present has an equal view of the proceedings without anyone's huge hat or a pillar getting in the way. It also means that individuals can opt to not be part of the ceremony itself, while also being able to watch and hear everything that goes on. Both advantages can work towards helping non-Pagans become part of the wedding.
At a handfasting, in the late 1990s, there was a male guest who was extremely anxious. As a devout Christian, he really did not want to enter a circle of witches. As a loving family man, he did not want to miss the wedding of a beloved niece. These twin pressures upon his psyche were causing a great deal of angst. We compromised by him being present, but not part of the assembled guests outlining the circle itself.
However, he also felt awkward, as the sole person excluded in this way, so we gave him a camera. He was able to witness everything, while being useful in capturing some wonderful photographs. It gave him a reason for being outside the circle, which didn't draw attention to his valid religious concerns. Afterwards, he was quite happy about this. The ritual, he informed us, wasn't as bad as he had feared.
Including Muggles: Giving Tasks to Those Inside the Circle.
In Wiccan ceremonies especially, there comes a point when the raising of the circle invokes the elements. This is a perfect opportunity to include non-Pagans in the proceedings. The Pagans will all know what to do, but the non-Pagans will be nonplussed. Select four helpers from amongst them and assign a guardianship for air, fire, water and earth. Where appropriate, this is a great job to occupy children too.
For much of the ceremony, this selected helper will be holding a representative symbol, like a candle in a safety lamp or a plant. Those around them can see this and it focuses the mind, however briefly, upon that element. Their starring moments come at the raising and closing of the circles. The element guardian can follow the High Priestess around, as she does her work. Nothing more is required of the volunteer than holding that symbol and being there. But their presence means that non-Pagans are looking and thinking, 'Awww, look at little Timmy with that rock!' In short, they are focusing on the element of earth, at the exact time that the Pagans are invoking earth. Everyone's a winner.
Including Muggles: Creativity in Wedding Decorations and Cake.
It's easy to become creative, while also including non-Pagans in the general ambiance. At one handfasting, the bride and groom gave everyone a candle to hold. They had cardboard rims to catch the drips and save hands from burning wax. A similar idea cropped up at another wedding, where all guests were given flowers to hold. In both cases, the overall effect was beautiful and left everyone feeling like they had contributed.
Also, you don't need to be a Pagan to bake the circle food or provide the contents of the chalice. The High Priest and Priestess will be blessing those at the time. How about letting a non-Pagan bring these?
I hope these wedding ideas help with a perfect and inclusive handfasting. Blessed be.
Jo Harrington - Jo has a BA (Hons) in History and Philosophy and a MA in History. She has a book published on the history of Wicca.
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